The Relationalist Manifesto

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Hyper-individualism leads to tribalism. People eventually rebel against the isolation and meaninglessness of hyper-individualism by joining a partisan tribe. This seems like relation but is actually its opposite. If a healthy community is based on mutual affection, the tribalist mentality is based on mutual distrust. If a healthy community is based

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

A child is born with both ego and heart and soul on full display. But for many people, around adolescence, the ego begins to swell, and the heart and soul recede. People at this age need to establish an identity, to carve a self. Meanwhile, our society tells adolescent boys to bury their emotions and become men. It tells little girls that if they r

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

A commitment is a promise made from love. A commitment is a promise made without expecting any return (though there will be returns aplenty). A committed relationship is a two-way promise. It is you throwing yourself wholeheartedly for another and another throwing himself wholeheartedly for you.

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

By committing and living up to the daily obligations of his commitments, the person integrates himself into a coherent whole. Commitments organize the hours and the days of a life. A committed person achieves consistency across time. His character is built through the habitual acts of service to the people he loves. His character is built by being

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

we are formed by relationship, we are nourished by relationship, and we long for relationship. Life is not a solitary journey. It is building a home together. It is a process of being formed by attachments and then forming attachments in turn. It is a great chain of generations passing down gifts to one another.

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

Relationships do not scale. They have to be built one at a time, through patience and forbearance. But norms do scale. When people in a community cultivate caring relationships, and do so repeatedly in a way that gets communicated to others, then norms are established. Trustworthy action is admired; empathy is celebrated. Cruelty is punished and os

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

Every level of the weave influences every other level. It is a moral ecosystem. Far off in the distance, there is a city we cannot see—the just society. But right in front of us, visible with the naked eye every day if you know where to look, there are people weaving, giving their heart and souls to daily acts of care. When you see that, you realiz

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

The person makes his commitments maximal commitments. He doesn’t just have a career; he has a vocation. He doesn’t just have a contract marriage (What’s in it for me?). He has a covenantal marriage (I live and die for you). He doesn’t just have opinions. He submits to a creed. He doesn’t just live in a place. He helps build a community. Furthermore

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne

Relationalism is a middle way between hyper-individualism and collectivism. The former detaches the person from all deep connection. The latter obliterates the person within the group, and sees groups as faceless herds. The relationalist sees each person as a node in a thick and enchanted web of warm commitments. She seeks to build a neighborhood,

David Brooks • The Relationalist Manifesto

Brandy Cerne