The Opposite of Fear

Someone living in fear does not stretch their wings. They hide behind them. They defend themselves from their source of distress. It’s a matter of survival: you can only safeguard yourself arduously. Then you become stuck in that garrison. You become some Greek myth of a story: forever hiding behind your wings. Dread and angst at your seemingly ete... See more

As anyone who has suffered from anxiety can tell you, it can take a lot of energy to lie in bed. The calories spent clenching your jaw. Tensing your shoulders up into your ears. Trying not to explode.

I collapsed into dread. I was so afraid. Afraid that no one was trying to stop this machine. Astounded that no one cared how it spun at unsafe revolutions. I couldn’t recognize myself. Who was this person? No answer. I resigned myself to being the operator of a machine I had no agency over.

It’s scary when you think you can’t stop yourself.