The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)

Another Rebel said, “I’m writing a book, and I’m going to write the whole thing before I try to get a book contract, because the minute I have an editor and a deadline, I won’t want to write.”

The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act.

And whatever our Tendency, we share a desire for autonomy. We prefer to be asked rather than ordered to do something, and if our feeling of being controlled by others becomes too strong, it can trigger “reactance,” a resistance to something that’s experienced as a threat to our freedom or our ability to choose.

Rebels resist just about anything they perceive to be an attempt at control—something as simple as a ringing telephone, a party invitation, or a standing meeting.

‘If you respond now, you can choose where you sit, so you can sit with your friends. If you wait, those tables will fill up, and we’ll assign you a seat with strangers. Let us know when you decide your plans.’ ” Information, consequences, choice. Without lectures or micro-management or rescue.

In a nutshell, to influence someone to follow a certain course, it’s helpful to remember: • Upholders want to know what should be done • Questioners want justifications • Obligers need accountability • Rebels want freedom to do something their own way

One Rebel explained: Realizing that I’m a Rebel revealed why years of therapy failed. We’d analyzed my dearth of discipline, tried and rejected techniques that backfired (accountability? ha). It’s not just that some techniques don’t work for Rebels. It’s that we’re told (and often believe) that something is deeply wrong with us. An otherwise high-f

One parent of a Rebel explained, “The best way to wrangle the Rebel child is to give the kid the information to make a decision, present the issue as a question that he alone can answer, and let him make a decision and act without telling you. Let him make a decision without an audience. Audiences = expectations. If he thinks you’re not watching, h

The happiest and most successful people are those who have figured out ways to exploit their Tendency to their benefit and, just as important, found ways to counterbalance its limitations. For all of us, it’s possible to take the steps to create the life we want—but we must do that in the way that’s right for us.