Many therapists believe that adults unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns from their early parent-child relationships—for example, picking partners who are unavailable in ways that are similar to how a parent was unavailable. In these cases healing is often a matter of becoming aware of the pattern, working through these childhood wounds in thera

The other pattern, as Stern describes, is “to make extraordinary efforts to charm his mother, to pull her along—to act as an antidepressant to her.”54 Hardly a job for a baby!

Either we cut off feelings, or our emotional states tend to spiral out of control.

Studies in Sweden found that even when a mother works outside the home and the father is the primary caretaker, babies still strongly prefer being with the mother.2

number came from large immigrant families and were essentially lost children.

hurt

hypervigilance about…

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If you were undermothered, your task will be twofold: to heal your own wounds and to open up a different way of being with your children than your

There are several aspects to a holding environment and the sense of safe, protected space. One is our home, where we live. Does your home feel both safe and nourishing? Is it a place you like to be? What happens when you move one level farther out to the surrounding area? Do you feel at home in your neighborhood?