The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

DISSOCIATION Children who are abused often disconnect from their bodies so that they will not feel what is being done to them. When an experience is too painful to endure, children emotionally and psychically separate from the experience.

classic symptoms of sexual abuse—feeling suicidal, running away, a high pain tolerance, spacing out, not being able to succeed at anything, denial, always being isolated.

Many survivors feel: • Bad, dirty, or ashamed • Powerless, like a victim • Different from other people • That there’s something wrong deep down inside • That if people really knew them, they’d leave Some survivors: • Hate themselves • Feel immobilized or can’t get motivated • Are unable to protect themselves in dangerous situations • Have experienc

Abused children rarely have this kind of support. They cannot afford to feel the full extent of their terror, pain, shame, or rage; the agony would be devastating.

The fact that someone else has suffered from abuse more severe than your own does not lessen your suffering. Comparisons of pain are simply not useful.

Often survivors find it difficult to: • Recognize their feelings • Differentiate between emotions • Express feelings • Calm down when they get upset Many survivors feel: • Disconnected, isolated, and alone • A pervasive sense of shame • Just a few feelings, rather than a full range of emotions • Out of control with their rage or other feelings • Co

Defensive reactions are more likely if the security or status of the family is threatened by the disclosure. Parents are more likely to be supportive when the abuser is a stranger, a teacher, a coach, or a minister rather than a relative. When a brother, father, aunt, or grandmother is implicated, families often close ranks and deny the abuse, leav

Abused children often learn to block out their pain, because it is too devastating or because they do not want to give the abuser the satisfaction of seeing them cry. But since it’s not possible to block emotions selectively, they may simply stop feeling.

I used to feel I had this good childhood, and then off to the side was this horrible, shameful abuse. But now I know there was only one child and she lived through it all.