The Boy Crisis

A key measure of emotional intelligence is knowing that every virtue taken to its extreme becomes a vice. Fearlessness is courage taken to its extreme.

The discipline of postponing gratification is the single most important discipline your son needs.

being an involved dad creates a “dad brain” that replaces his single-man desires. He’ll experience a decrease in the testosterone previously used in the hunt for sex and recovery after rejection, and an increase in oxytocin emanating from the joys of loving and being loved by an infant who needs him.

Dad deprivation still leaves boys vulnerable to Nazis—these days, neo-Nazi groups.

We want him to be assertive, but not aggressive; to be empathetic, but not naive; to be “a doer,” but also introspective; to be perseverant, but not stubborn; to be prepared, but not obsessive; to help people, but not enable them . . .

They have different ways of setting boundaries and enforcing boundaries; exploring in nature; roughhousing; creating teachable moments; challenging the kids’ limits; using hangout time; and different attitudes toward teasing. Researchers have also documented dads’ greater tendencies to • walk a fine line between safety and risk-taking; • juggle the

even when race, education, income, and other socioeconomic factors are equal, living without dad doubled a child’s chance of dropping out of high school.5

In the traditional male hero’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is nowhere to be found—because the more he values himself, the less he is willing to sacrifice himself.

moms cut back hours at work, while dads increase their hours, especially at nights and over weekends; moms travel less, dads travel more; moms commute fewer miles, accepting jobs that pay less, while dads commute more miles for jobs that pay more . . . This can create some fascinating discussions for family dinner night (see appendix B).