"True acceptance is very, very, very had; but true acceptance has been the key to my recovery, to my tranquility and happiness. I needed to accept that things, at this particular moment, are exactly as they should be—including me. I had to let go of the idea that it was up to me to traverse the chasm between what I was and what I should have been. ... See more

That sharp turn away from blaming others happens once you finally address your shame. Shame is something everyone has, thanks to our shame-ruled, shame-dispensing culture, but some people obviously have it worse than others. I’ve always been massively ashamed and self-hating, and for a long time, even in Ask Polly, I described shame as a thing you ... See more

I am convinced that some people are driven to addictions to quiet their constant inner critic, but it only gives them another thing to hate about themselves. What a vicious cycle! Moral scrutiny is not to discover how good or bad we are and regain some moral high ground, but to begin some honest “shadowboxing” which is at the heart of all spiritual... See more

Have you been able to forgive yourself? To accept yourself for who you are and the choices you’ve made? And have you forgiven others for being who they are, with their limitations? Are you able to accept life as it is? Not situations that shouldn’t be tolerated, but the particular life you were given and have gone on to create? Have you been able t... See more