These problematic emotions and desires really come from parts of us, sometimes called “subpersonalities.” These “parts,” as they are known in IFS, are like little people existing inside of us—each with its own unique feelings, motivations, and view of the world.

We are conscious of whichever part is illuminated by this flashlight, but it rarely gets pointed back toward the one who holds it. So, we tend not to be aware of the witness. The witness sees but is not seen.

IFS has discovered that it is helpful to release a burden to one of the basic elements in nature—earth, fire, wind, water, or light. This signifies that the burden won’t come back because it has been carried away, or transformed, by something elemental and powerful.

In this case, ask it, “What are you afraid would happen if you made space me?” Most likely the part is afraid that in creating the space, it will give you the opportunity to push it away or ignore it.

You just feel into your body and emotions, you listen for voices, and you notice images. Access is like shining the flashlight of consciousness on that part.

You are caught up in the beliefs of the part so that you lose perspective on the situation.

Because exiles hold pain from your past, they are pushed away by protectors. They are exiled from your inner life and kept in dark dungeons away from the light of consciousness.

Loving yourself really means loving each of your parts. Befriending yourself means developing a relationship with each of your parts and having them trust you. The IFS method accomplishes this—not as a side effect but as a central aspect of the therapy.

Exiles are young child parts who are in pain from the past. While protectors try to keep us from feeling pain, exiles are the parts in pain. They are the ones the protectors are trying to protect us from.