In safe relationships, empathy is a large part of the equation. We literally “enter the other person’s head” and attempt to understand how he feels, what he believes, and how he thinks. Empathy is walking in the moccasins of another person, and not judging him until we can see what suffering he’s been through to get to the point he’s at. Empathy is

Because the irresponsible has problems in delaying gratification, he or she often becomes alcoholic, addicted to sexual gratification, and in debt.

If you want to know how safe someone is, ask yourself: Is this person with me for him—or for us?

That’s how envy can spoil safety. Envy makes us resent people who have something we don’t have. It feeds on itself and is ultimately self-destructive. When we envy, the very people who are loving, safe, and generous become the bad guys in our eyes.

Instead, when you are measuring someone’s character, look at these traits in terms of degree. Everyone lies at some time or in some way. But not everyone is a pathological liar. Look for degrees of imperfection.

When you evaluate your relationships, look for people who show genuine concern for your welfare, then make that concern known in concrete actions.

Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.

Safe people are individuals who draw us closer to being the people God intended us to be.

It significantly blocks intimacy because the two people are never on “even ground,” which is where human intimacy takes place.