Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

If you want to know how safe someone is, ask yourself: Is this person with me for him—or for us?

over and over again of people who have received safety then found ways to help others, such as non-Christians

don’t go to them for relationship, for their truth often comes poisoned with judgmentalism.

Repentant people will recognize a wrong and really want to change because they do not want to be that kind of person. They are motivated by love to not hurt anyone like that again. These are trustworthy people because they are on the road to holiness and change, and their behavior matters to them.

That’s why Jesus’ temptation is a model for us. Satan tried to influence him to create food, test God’s provision for him, and worship him (Matt. 4:1–11). The theme in all three temptations revolves around Jesus’ meeting his needs on his own terms, and not in God’s way.

It’s simply impossible to connect if you are not free to disagree. That kind of love is compliance and people-pleasing. It is not real love.

Safe people, for example, admit their weaknesses. They are humble. And they prove their trustworthiness over time.

Unsafe people will never identify with others as fellow sinners and strugglers, because they see themselves as somehow “above all of that.” This “I’m better than you” dynamic produces a lot of shame and guilt in people who are associated with this type of unsafe person.

Repentant people will recognize a wrong and really want to change because they do not want to be that kind of person. They are motivated by love to not hurt anyone like that again. These are trustworthy people because they are on the road to holiness and change, and their behavior matters to them.