Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

Because the irresponsible has problems in delaying gratification, he or she often becomes alcoholic, addicted to sexual gratification, and in debt.

Feeling disconnected. Intimacy is built on sharing weaknesses, and friendship involves sharing vulnerabilities.

Unsafe people will never identify with others as fellow sinners and strugglers, because they see themselves as somehow “above all of that.” This “I’m better than you” dynamic produces a lot of shame and guilt in people who are associated with this type of unsafe person.

George Whitefield would not attack a person who was not there to defend himself. Look for people who can hold your secrets.

over and over again of people who have received safety then found ways to help others, such as non-Christians

Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.

Instead, when you are measuring someone’s character, look at these traits in terms of degree. Everyone lies at some time or in some way. But not everyone is a pathological liar. Look for degrees of imperfection.

1. What do I do that pushes you away from me? 2. What do I do that draws you toward me?

Confronters (safe ones, not critical-parent types) risk our leaving them to tell us a needed truth. They jeopardize comfort to give us honest love.