Couples and families can even become what psychologists call conflict habituated, a state in which every interaction is approached as a battle for dominance rather than an opportunity for connection and realness.

At home, poor communication often leads to unnecessary conflict that destabilizes our relationships and turns sources of support into sources of anguish. When we are in regular conflict with our partner, we might

Take your attention off yourself and notice how other people are feeling and what they’re experiencing, either verbally, culturally, physically, or emotionally. Compassion for yourself means being able to forgive yourself for mistakes and take care of yourself when things aren’t going well.

so they can merge with the unit and act as one.2 SEALs must routinely operate in environments they call volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous (VUCA). In a VUCA context, traditional military practices, such as respect for the chain of command and following the plan, become a liability instead of a strength. Speed and team agility are the great

ecological thinking, and it is worth taking a moment to examine this idea. Ecological thinking means taking a holistic view of the teams you are on and the relationships you are in—and acknowledging that you have a vested interest in keeping them healthy. A shift from reductive and linear to system-level and holistic thinking means you are less con

we’ve learned that somatic awareness takes center stage as a necessity to generate both trust and alignment. Somatic awareness is the experience of being in and being aware of our bodies. It’s the perception and internal experience of living in our bodies and noticing how we feel physically as we emotionally experience situations and interact with

Intentions Why do you want to be a part of this? Why are we doing this? How might this support your personal goals? What values of yours led you to get involved? Concerns What worries you about the team, our plan, and so on? What do you think will get in our way? Where will we run into trouble? If this fails, why will it fail? Boundaries What do yo

The best communicators we know are also the best listeners. It’s not enough to ask questions; you also need to listen to the answers.

You can think of boundaries as design criteria for a shared experience. Designers will tell you that constraints are needed to generate creativity and that no good design happens without them. As you discuss each team member’s personal boundaries, you articulate what the team needs to be at its best. It is kind to share your boundaries with others