Instead of admitting we’ve outgrown a friend, we tell ourselves everything is fine.

Anxious people are so vigilant for rejection that they register cues of it while ignoring signals of their acceptance.

Shame is the sense that our secrets make us unworthy of human connection. It’s why, when we’re vulnerable, it doesn’t just feel like our secrets are at stake, but our entire being.

Overt avoidance is when people don’t show up to events because they are too uncomfortable. When people invite you out, and you don’t show up, they’re less likely to invite you out again;

The study lends credence to a psychological theory called reciprocity theory, which emphasizes that people treat us like we treat them. If we are kind, open, and trusting, people are more likely to respond in kind. Secure people, then, don’t just assume others are trustworthy; they make others trustworthy through their good faith.

Before 1800, there wasn’t even a word for loneliness as we know it today. The word “lonely” described the state of being alone, rather than the exquisite pain of it.

lot of what we assume others think about us is a projection of how we think about us.

it’s choosing book clubs over happy hours, or a language class over a language workshop.

When I meet a new group of people, my inclination is to find the few I can be comfortable with and forget the rest.