Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

others and their behavior while preoccupying ourselves with who’s good, bad, normal, abnormal, responsible, irresponsible, smart, ignorant, etc.

Even readers who never emerge from the self-induced misery of this exercise might see how powerfully this type of thinking blocks compassion, both for oneself and for others.

In general, feelings are not being clearly expressed when the word feel is followed by: Words such as that, like, as if: “I feel that you should know better.” “I feel like a failure.” “I feel as if I’m living with a wall.” The pronouns I, you, he, she, they, it: “I feel I am constantly on call.” “I feel it is useless.” Names or nouns referring to p

Because of our tendency to read rejection into someone else’s “no” and “I don’t want to … ,” these are important messages for us to be able to empathize with. If we take them personally, we may feel hurt without understanding what’s actually going on within the other person.

When we frame our needs with these thoughts, we are bound to judge others when they don’t do as we request.

Despite that, as soon as I express empathy toward one side, it is not unusual for the other side to immediately accuse me of favoritism. At this time, what’s called for is emergency first-aid empathy. This might sound like “So you’re really annoyed, and you need some assurance that you’re going to get your side on the table?”

Be conscious of actions motivated by the desire for money or approval, and by fear, shame, or guilt. Know the price you pay for them.

observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence.