Introduction to Internal Family Systems

We are defensive not because someone is attacking us but rather because the attack is likely to provoke our inner critics, which in turn trigger the worthlessness and terror we accumulated as children. Whatever slight we receive in the present triggers an echo chamber inside us of all the similar hurts we’ve accumulated from the past. Contemporary

Now I’ve learned a way of relating to my anxiety that makes such events interesting challenges rather than dreaded ordeals. Instead of attacking or ignoring my anxiety, I try to get into a curious state, focus inside on it, and ask it some questions. As I focus on the feeling, I notice that it seems to emanate from a knot in my gut, so I focus ther

In this chapter we will explore this idea of the Self because it is the centerpiece of the IFS Model and the hardest piece for most people to fully accept. The idea that at your essence you are pure joy and peace, and that from that place you are able to manifest clusters of wonderful leadership and healing qualities and sense a spiritual connected

Then there’s developmental psychology, which maintains that our basic nature is dependent on the kind of parenting we received. If you were fortunate to have “good enough” parenting during certain critical periods in your early development, you emerged from childhood with a certain amount of “ego strength.” If you didn’t, you were out of luck. You

In these pages, I hope to help you realize that your emotions and thoughts are much more than they seem—that those emotions and thoughts emanate from inner personalities I call parts of you. I’m suggesting that what seems like your explosive temper, for example, is more than a bundle of anger. If you were to focus on it and ask it questions, you mi

The Path Exercise (You may want to have someone read this exercise to you.) Get in a relaxed position and take several deep breaths. Imagine you are at the base of a path. It can be any path—one you are familiar with or one you have never been on before. Before you go anywhere on the path, meet with your emotions and thoughts (your parts) at the ba

the eight Cs of Self-leadership—calmness, clarity, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.

As I explored the writings of some of these esoteric schools, including the Mahayana school (Buddhism) and Sufism (Islam), it gradually dawned on me that through interacting with people’s parts in ways that allowed the individuals to separate from their emotions and beliefs, I had accidentally come upon a simple way to help people access the state

Once I focused on that anger and asked questions of it, I learned that it was indeed an adolescent personality in me that not only was angry but also hurt and afraid. He believed he had to protect me from being hurt by people I got close to, so he led with his anger in times of danger. However, that anger is not his essence—it just comes with the t