I Am Me Before I Am Anything Else

In his book Escape from Freedom, philosopher and psychoanalyst Erich Fromm argues that if man experiences freedom from authoritarian rule (e.g., government, religious institution) without exercising his freedom to express his individuality while integrating himself with the world, he will feel burdened with overwhelming feelings of loneliness, alie... See more

This essay is a combination of personal reflection on the self and identity labels, the restrictions that label-based belonging imposes and the discomfort that freedom can bring. Included are good mental models, praise for values-based life navigation, and interpretations of popular culture.

"I always insist on my agency as a thinker. I have the right to read what I like to read. I think that is actually more radical: to insist that because I have my own mind, I will be influenced by whom I choose, and I will write what I choose." — Ocean Vuong

"When you make that shift internally, what happens is, you release the ego from having to cling to that belief, right? Models should prove things. And models also need to be tested, right? Because you always want to see if you're right or not." — Jim

If I am seeing the world through an identity-first lens, what happens to the image I have constructed of myself once a core part of it is challenged? In this scenario, I am forced to either:

1. Subscribe to additional identity labels or come up with numerous caveats to explain why my experience contradicts that of someone else in my identity group


2. Deny

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So, why are we so drawn to labels? When we label ourselves, we are in essence joining a community built around that label... The downside, if we ever realize it, is that we lose our genuine selves...

In one of my favorite podcast episodes, Tim Urban and Jim O’Shaughnessy talk about the benefits of viewing the world through models instead of beliefs —an idea that has stuck with me since I heard it and pretty much sealed the deal of an individual-first approach to my life.

The problem here, Fromm emphasizes, is not whether or not the beliefs are correct—the problem is whether or not the beliefs are a result of one’s own thinking. It is certainly possible that someone, through their original reasoning, can arrive at the same beliefs as the person I described above. The difference is that they came to these beliefs gen... See more

After letting go of the guilt associated with “losing” core parts of myself, I quickly realized how nurturing it was to function as me first. My curiosity skyrocketed because I felt safe questioning; I became less dogmatic and even grew proud of the ability to change my mind when presented with new information; my sense of self was no longer fragil... See more