How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Alternatives to Punishment 1. Point out a way to be helpful. 2. Express strong disapproval (without attacking character). 3. State your expectations. 4. Show the child how to make amends. 5. Offer a choice. 6. Take action. 7. Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior.

“Boy, that sounds like a rough experience. To be subjected to an attack like that in front of other people, especially after having been under so much pressure, must have been pretty hard to take!”

TO HELP WITH FEELINGS 1. Listen with full attention. 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word—“Oh” . . . “Mmm” . . . “I see.” 3. Give their feelings a name. 4. Give them their wishes in fantasy.

pain and give me a chance to talk more about what’s troubling me, and I begin to feel less upset, less confused, more able to cope with my feelings and my problem.

To Engage Cooperation 1. Describe. Describe what you see or describe the problem. 2. Give information. 3. Say it with a word. 4. Talk about your feelings. 5. Write a note.

But let someone really listen, let someone acknowledge my inner

We have to stop thinking of the child as a “problem” that needs correction. We have to give up the idea that because we’re adults we always have the right answer. We have to stop worrying that if we’re not “tough enough” the child will take advantage of us. It requires a great act of faith to believe that if we take the time to sit down and share o

Over the next weeks I tried to tune in to what I thought my children might be experiencing, and when I did, my words seemed to follow naturally.

comes over to you and asks for the finished piece of work. Quickly you try