Honoring the Self: The Pyschology of Confidence and Respect

There is a sense in which everything I have been discussing in this book pertains to self-assertion. The choice to be conscious is the ultimate act of self-assertion. The decision to be true to the judgments of our own mind is an act of self-assertion.

To accept ourselves is to accept the fact that what we think, feel, and do are all expressions of the self at the time they occur. So long as we cannot accept the fact of what we are at any given moment of our existence, so long as we cannot permit ourselves fully to be aware of the nature of our choices and actions, cannot admit the truth into our

Like work, love too can be sought, not as an expression of self-esteem and of esteem for another, but rather as a means of raising a self-esteem that is painfully low. The quest to find someone who will love me and thereby make me love myself does not succeed. Nonetheless, millions attempt it every day. When the quest fails, we often move on to ano

That which is denied by the mind is trapped within the body.

The ability to feel anxiety, self-distrust, or guilt is an asset: these are alarm signals warning of danger to our well-being. Such emotions can be painful, even devastating, but if they cause a person to stop, to question his or her policies, perhaps to seek professional help, then they serve a useful purpose in protecting the person’s life. If th

The rebellion against the inevitability of death results in a rebellion against the challenges and opportunities of life. If I refuse to live fully, I cannot die. So: fear of autonomy entails fear of self-responsibility entails fear of identity entails fear of aloneness entails fear of death. That which does not exist cannot perish. This issue is o

If a person defaults on the responsibility of awareness, the result is self-distrust: the feeling that his or her mind is not a reliable instrument. Refusing to give thought to issues that require attention, we may evade the fact of the evasion, but we cannot escape the contradiction between knowledge and performance nor the issues themselves.

Instead of complaining that people are so often taking advantage of her, the client learns to say, “Why and how do I invite or encourage people to take advantage of me?” Instead of complaining, “No one understands me,” the client asks, “Why and how do I make it difficult for people to understand me?” Instead of saying, “Why do women always turn awa

If I were more honest about expressing my thoughts and opinions—