Have a New Teenager by Friday: How to Establish Boundaries, Gain Respect & Turn Problem Behaviors Around in 5 Days

Parenting in the hormone-group years is all about gaining the cooperation of your teenager. You do so by listening to him, respecting him, encouraging him, standing up for him—and yes, also standing up to him and holding him accountable.

Instead try this: when your kids start fighting, usher the two of them to a room somewhere—preferably the least desirable place in the house, like your cramped office, where they have to be face-to-face. Outside is even better. Then give them instructions: “You guys need to solve this, and I’m going to give you 20 minutes to come up with a solution

Ground Rules for Fighting Fair Speech must be respectful of the other person. No vulgar language is acceptable. One person talks at a time until he’s done, then the other can talk. No interruptions allowed. Abuse of any kind—physical, verbal, or emotional—is off-limits. The two warring parties talk it out in a room by themselves, out of anyone else

They let the chips fall where they may. If your teenager makes a dumb move, then she should suffer the consequences of it. Certain actions will always result in consequences.

How to Get Your Teenager Talking Shut up. Don’t ask, “How was your day?” Say calmly in response to a shocking statement, “Hmm. Tell me more about that.” Eliminate the word why.

In today’s world, more than ever, your teenager needs to head into life outside your nest with what I call the “big three”: wisdom, good judgment, and discernment.

Home ought to be a place where each member of the family receives encouragement and is held accountable, where issues are discussed and resolved at the dinner table or in a family council, and where everyone’s opinion is respected.

Reacting takes you out of the driver’s seat and flings you right onto the moment-by-moment emotional roller coaster with your child. Acting allows you to sit back, relax, say things once and hold firm, and remain calmly in control, letting the chips fall where they may.

5 Tips to Keep Your Sails out of Your Teenager’s Wind Don’t take things personally. Stay calm. Listen, but don’t fight your teenager’s battles. Offer helpful suggestions only when asked. Don’t tell your teenager what to do.