Any way that you can think of to touch yourself is good. Touch yourself over your entire body. Notice what you like and what you don’t like. If there is some touch that you don’t like, use a different stroke.

Touch her only once and withdraw. Take your time before doing any regular stroking. We have found that instead of a stroke, a gentle pressing against the clitoris causes less fear and anxiety.

The word question comes from the Latin questare, whose root is “to quest.” Overcoming someone’s resistance is like going on a quest or an adventure.

resistance is only a reaction to feared loss. If you know this, you’ll be able to enjoy the resistance and have fun with it, too. People really want to say yes when they’re offered pleasure, and their resistance can actually make your goal more pleasurable to you.

We use our understanding of cause and effect to try to improve our lives. We do certain things (causes) in order to feel a certain way (desired effects). Instead, however, perhaps we might be better served if we decided to feel the way we hoped to feel, and then did what we really wanted to do. For example, instead of needing money or a relationshi

The best way to touch a woman is to touch her in a way that feels good to your fingers. Your hands are very sensual and feel a lot of pleasure, so feel her as you’d feel velvet or silk, fabrics that make your hand feel wonderful. When someone touches another for their own pleasure, we call that the “taking touch.” The more pleasure your hand experi

Even the word foreplay implies that activity before intercourse is just work that has to be done in order to reach the really fun, “play” part of sex. In reality, the whole experience can be the fun part, and that is the goal of the true sensualist. In the rest of this book, we’ve used sexuality and sensuality interchangeably, because we don’t thin

Sensuality is about giving pleasure to the body or mind through the senses. The key word here is pleasure. Sensuality includes all five of the senses: hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, and touching. It also includes the sixth sense, which is any use of conceptual thought to enhance pleasure.

This is why it’s more erotic to put your hand on your girlfriend’s knee under the tablecloth in a fancy restaurant than to do the same thing at home in front of the television. If sex and pleasure were open topics, there would be fewer rules to break and, as a result, less eroticism.