Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
Adam Smithamazon.com
Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
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Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
Usually, the child sets out on a journey to earn love from others. They become enormously eager to please and cannot say no. They are frequent targets of abuse by others because they’re so desperate for approval and have no one to report abuse to.
Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
It is not your wife’s fault you were damaged, carried that damage into the marriage, and inflicted wounds on her. It is not your wife’s fault for not trusting you. Whether you understood your own reasons or not, you inflicted repeated pain on her and on those all around you whom she also loves.
Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
A damaged man is incapable of love because he does not believe love will be freely given, only earned through works. He seeks false intimacy in lust and mistakes sex for acceptance.
Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
The top level is what I call “the fluff”. These are feelings, moment-to-moment emotions people feel toward each other. A couple may have happy fluff as they go on a date, then arrive home and realize someone has left the milk out. Now the fluff is annoyed. But the guilty partner makes up for their mistake with a foot rub. Yay, the fluff is happy ag
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When the upset partner realizes they caused hurt they try to retract their rejection and accept, because accepting the sex in order to comfort their partner would not be creating a burden or earn resentment, but now it’s too late and the wounded partner lashes out with their own secondary rejection.
Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
Craig says that Erin used to “chase” him for sex at the beginning and made him “feel wanted,” but now he feels continuously rejected. To Craig, Erin’s lack of sex drive is a direct condemnation of his worth as a man.
Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
The second issue is one of pushing too hard on a wounded partner before trust can be reestablished. “I’m completely sincere, and I understand how to fix things this time!” impatient men tell me.
Adam Smith • Exhausted Wives, Bewildered Husbands: Why your marriage is hurting, and how to blossom as a couple
Don’t let these tests fool you. If she didn’t love you, if there was no hope of reaching her heart, she wouldn’t bother shooting at you. If she felt nothing for you at all, there would be no danger.