Come as You Are: the bestselling guide to the new science that will transform your sex life

for most of us self-indulgence takes the form of binge-watching Netflix or eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting because “I deserve it,” instead of feeling our Feels. Self-indulgence is a form of freeze, sedating the lion instead of escaping or conquering it.

If there were a food that consistently made you sick, you’d stop eating it. So if there’s media that makes you feel more self-critical, stop looking at it. As you’re looking at movies or television or porn or magazines, ask yourself, “After I see this, am I going to feel better about my body as it is today, or worse?” If the answer is “better!” the

Let these self-critical thoughts go, let the judgments go, and notice only the things you like.

No girl is born hating her body or feeling ashamed of her sexuality. You had to learn that. No girl is born worried that she’ll be judged if someone finds out what kind of sex she enjoys. You had to learn that, too.

cognitive dissonance

Here’s an exercise to help increase self-compassion:24 1. Write a description of a situation that you’re beating yourself up about—it can be anything from an aspect of your sexual functioning to your romantic relationship (or lack thereof) to your work to your body or anything else. Be sure to include the self-critical thoughts you’re battering you