Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

They grieved for their losses, then found a way to live their lives not in resignation, martyrdom, and despair, but with enthusiasm, peace, and a true sense of gratitude for that which was good.

Slow down. You don’t have to feel so frightened. You don’t have to feel so frantic. Keep things in perspective. Make life easier for you.

to love and be loved, and to believe they are worthwhile and know someone else believes that also.1 I

You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.

I will not allow criminal behavior in my home. I will not rescue people from the consequences of their alcohol abuse or other irresponsible behavior. I will not finance a person’s alcoholism or other irresponsible behavior. I will not lie to protect you or me from your alcoholism. I will not use my home as a detoxification center for recovering alc

To be happy we need someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

“HOW”: Honesty, Openness, and Willingness to try.7

women were taught that good, desirable wives and mothers were caretakers. Caretaking was expected and required of them. It was their duty. Some men believe good husbands and fathers are caretakers—superheroes responsible for meeting every need of each family member.

Many codependents have been taught other ways to be caretakers. Maybe someone taught us these lies, and we believed them: don’t be selfish, always be kind and help people, never hurt other people’s feelings because we “make them feel,” never say no, and don’t mention personal wants and needs because it’s not polite.