To honor the self is to preserve an attitude of self-acceptance—which means to accept what we are, without self-oppression or self-castigation, without any pretense about the truth of our own being, pretense aimed at deceiving either ourselves or anyone else.

I will not allow anyone to physically or verbally abuse me. I will not knowingly believe or support lies. I will not allow chemical abuse in my home.

“HOW”: Honesty, Openness, and Willingness to try.7

We constantly put ourselves in impossible situations where we have no choice but to feel badly about ourselves. We think a thought, then tell ourselves we shouldn’t think that way. We feel a feeling, then tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel that way. We make a decision, act on it, then tell ourselves we shouldn’t have acted that way. There is nothing

Many codependents have been taught other ways to be caretakers. Maybe someone taught us these lies, and we believed them: don’t be selfish, always be kind and help people, never hurt other people’s feelings because we “make them feel,” never say no, and don’t mention personal wants and needs because it’s not polite.

We try to eliminate “shoulds” from our decisions and learn to trust ourselves.

because when we were children, someone very important to us was unable to give us the love, approval, and emotional security we needed.

“I don’t trust people who never get mad. People either get mad, or get even,”

I believe taking care of ourselves is an art, and this art involves one fundamental idea that is foreign to many: giving ourselves what we need.