All Fours

all my patients—think they’re supposed to play it cool about these changes”—now she was checking my moles—“but ‘freaking out’ actually plays an important role in transitions. Picture how the vaginal canal squeezes the water out of a baby’s lungs—it’s the shock of this squeezing and the sudden cold air that makes the baby cry out and take their firs

And sexy clothes. I had worn them without really understanding why, thinking of sexy as one of many styles, not realizing it was the only style. You should always be emerging from a shell if possible.

a woman’s mental health postmenopause is usually better than it’s been at any other time in the life of that particular woman, other than maybe childhood.” What. “Is that really true? Is it because our periods stop?” “Mm, it’s more that we aren’t cycling anymore between estrogen and progesterone and FSH. And, of course, in a patriarchy your body is

“I’ve driven across the country,” said Jordi. “It’s not that great.” “It’s not supposed to be! Is a silent meditation retreat ‘great’? Do people hike the Pacific Crest Trail because it’s ‘great’? And this is even higher stakes because if my mind wanders too far I’ll crash and die.” “Oh god, don’t say that.” “But my mind won’t wander! I’ll be totall

She said that marriage wasn’t the problem, it was the social ecosystem around it. “For example, dances. They once fulfilled an important function in society—court dances, barn dances, ballroom dances—they allowed people to legally touch someone who wasn’t their husband or wife.” “That’s . . . healthy?” “Yes, biologically it’s important to feel diff

Menopause coinciding with the death of a family member has brought to me the lesson that to live, truly and completely, you have to be willing to let go. Of everything and everyone.

As someone treated a certain way their entire adult life because they were voluptuous and pretty, it’s become a joy to be unseen. But it was a bit of a journey, letting go, and boy how I wish I could tell other women struggling with the fade of their bloom how great life is once you let go of the flower.