Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition

Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you.

Over the course of my sobriety I have experienced many opportunities to grow. I have had struggles and achievements. Through it all I have not had to take a drink, nor have I ever been alone.

Nevertheless, I still thought I could control the situation,

I would take a drink, and then I knew everything was going to be all right. I was going to clean up my act; everything was going to change—you’ll see. It didn’t; nothing changed. I tried so many ways of beating the game: I went to church and took a pledge; I went to a Native sweat lodge; I would do something so I would be put in jail; I vowed to st

Nope, I didn’t want to be an alcoholic.

In no time I was beating on the bar asking myself how it happened.

Today I can walk down any street, anywhere, without the fear of meeting someone I’ve harmed. Today my thoughts are not consumed with craving for the next drink or regret for the damage I did on the last drunk.

It was never my intention to end up in A.A. If someone mentioned perhaps I drank too much, I laughed at them. I didn’t drink any more than my friends. I never got drunk when I didn’t want to—never mind that I always wanted to. I couldn’t be an alcoholic.

Many of the people around me wanted me to go to treatment, but I resisted. I didn’t want the kids at school to know what was going on. If I went to treatment, they’d all know within a week.