A Confederacy of Dunces

“Only you would wear bowling shoes to your child’s sickbed.”

Well, with the brains that girl’s got she’s lucky they haven’t shipped her off to the funny farm.”

“I refuse to ‘look up.’ Optimism nauseates me. It is perverse. Since man’s fall, his proper position in the universe has been one of misery.”

You must have therapy soon or you will become a screaming queen.

After a few minutes of conversation in which I established most easily my moral superiority over this degenerate, I found myself pondering once more the crises of our times.

“Oh, I never guessed that you would be such a fun person to know. You were so hostile in that dreadful, tacky bar.”

“I suspect that the parties you attend must be true visions of the apocalypse.

Open your heart, Ignatius, and you will open your valve.

I am an anachronism. People realize this and resent it.”