A Confederacy of Dunces

“The next war could turn out to be one massive orgy.

“I suspect that the parties you attend must be true visions of the apocalypse.

“Only you would wear bowling shoes to your child’s sickbed.”

You learnt everything, Ignatius, except how to be a human being.”

“Do you know that a national home decorating magazine wants to do a four-page color spread on this building?” Dorian asked. “If you had any sense, you would realize that that is the ultimate insult,” Ignatius snorted.

Open your heart, Ignatius, and you will open your valve.

“It’s not your fate to be well treated,” Ignatius cried. “You’re an overt masochist. Nice treatment will confuse and destroy you.”

You must have therapy soon or you will become a screaming queen.

“I am the avenging sword of taste and decency,”