A Carnival of Snackery: Diaries (2003-2020)

Like always, I blame those who didn’t vote. I mean, he won Pennsylvania? I think back to when I was in York and ask myself: Why didn’t I do anything? But, like, what? Kill people?

He was an old-school fiscal Republican until the advent of cable news. Now he believes whatever Bill O’Reilly tells him to, though he gets a bit confused as to why.

“I wanted to be perfect,” he said over dinner. “I…need to be perfect.” It’s such a burden to place on yourself. Say you are perfect—who’s going to recognize it? Few things are like the Olympics, where judges hold up score cards. How does one paint perfectly? Or lawyer perfectly?

They just say it’s your patriotic duty and everyone kind of goes along with it.

Anyone who does anything even remotely irritating is, from this point on, a Republican.

An excellent joke I heard at last night’s signing: It’s late at night and a man is getting ready to go to bed when he hears a knock on his door. He opens it and looks down to see a snail. “Yes,” it says. “I’d like to talk to you about buying some magazine subscriptions.” Furious at being disturbed, the man rears back, kicks the snail as hard as he

The camera has replaced actual looking and turned life into evidence.