30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage

When asked how to prevent a major blowup, a surprising number of experts recommended offering your partner something to eat. One of the worst times to have an intense discussion is when you are hungry.

Kathy’s message is that you may know on some level if the relationship is just wrong, but it requires listening carefully to the inner voice. You

Take an extended driving trip with the person you want to marry for eight hours a day. See if you can keep each other interested and not fight about where to get off the highway, where to get food. That will give you lots of good information!

Once you’ve assessed your heart, you need to logically and rationally assess the potential for a satisfying, lifelong

in-love feeling is the opposite; let’s call it the “this is wrong” feeling.

But the experts say that when you are deciding whether to commit, a list can be very helpful.

Like almost all of the elders I met from Puerto Rico—and indeed from throughout the Caribbean—Jessica played dominoes. “We used to go to a club to play dominoes there. I love to play dominoes and he liked it, too. It’s nice; it’s fun. And it keeps your mind sharp, you know?

experts: You will have a better chance at marriage if your partner values the same things in life that you do.

“trust your heart” and “listen to your head”—and they insist you need to do both.